I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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