so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
