dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize