I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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