I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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