well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
