He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
