we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
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