Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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