Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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