I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
