a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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