Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
