No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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