3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
this beer tastes like vomit already
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize