Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
