sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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