I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
