i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
