The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
