you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize