the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize