Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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