i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
