dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
