I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Dear god my vagina.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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