You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize