You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
