Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
