glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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