I feel great
I just peed on a car
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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