He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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