i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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