You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
