just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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