3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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