just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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