okay pat passed out under dana's car
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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