and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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