I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
a search helicopter?!
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
