You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
So squirting runs in the family.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
