My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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