please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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