It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
