if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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