First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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