STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
