sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
