Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he puts the penis in happiness.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you didnt know i had herpes?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
