i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
