my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
