I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
