I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i dont even know how to be here
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
