walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
