I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
