o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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