next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
