i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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