i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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