After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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