Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
