at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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