I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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