pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
