I think I won the penis lottery.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize