I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
