i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
