i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
