dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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