Someone shit on the floor
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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