I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
