It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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