She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
