Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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