I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
