What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
