ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
