I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
True strength comes from lack of pants
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
