I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
