the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
