A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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