I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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