I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
