This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
