Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
