On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
