So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
