Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
