Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize