Do you still have your period?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
