Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
