Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
