There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
