I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
