Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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