i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
